oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
well, you know. whores of a feather.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
