shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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