508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
