He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
