Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
