Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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