Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
