just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
