Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
