I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
