"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
