No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
