Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
