the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
