Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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