How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
