i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
