talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
