sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
