we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
