Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I will be naked everywhere
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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