Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
