I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
