you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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