Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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