I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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