oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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