he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
