My friends, they love my intelligence
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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