With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
