i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
