And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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