i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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