At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
As shirtless as possible
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
