Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
