So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
