It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
