hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
