We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
