I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
