haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
