His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
