in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
