so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
