Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
