We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
