I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
