My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
