it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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