Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
