Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
