Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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