i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
