Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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